What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
