I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
