What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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