My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
