I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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