I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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