You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
