I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
