Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
