Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
