He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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