I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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