I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this just has baby written all over it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
