I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
