So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
