Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
