Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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