I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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