is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
there is glitter all over my balls
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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