So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
