smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
