There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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