i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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