Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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