I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
