i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
