For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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