you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
