so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
