I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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