Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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