Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
