I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
