yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
