I heard we made out
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
