you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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