I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
