i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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