today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
