ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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