yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
