i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
