its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
