Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
