between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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