what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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