Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
