He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
