Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
