first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pants are for mortals
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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