You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
