yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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