sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
