My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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